In our continuing discussions about pursuing happiness one of our regular readers from India wrote to us about the happiness in the power to choose. We might talk more on the courage it takes to make choices but for now here’s what she had to say
I have started my second Master’s degree (in Psychology this time) and have already decided that my next would be in Philosophy. I feel obliged to share this is a piece of information with my readers because I need to share with them the reactions I get when I tell this to someone around me. Most people end up telling me that I must stop “it” as if it were an uncomfortable place they were being pushed into. As though this “it” were an activity that threatens them. Is it because I ‘m a woman? That if I study “too much” then I‘d become a formidable force they’d be unable to contain? Here’s a sample of what I get: “What’ll you do with so many degrees?” “What’ll you get after studying so much?” “ Haven’t you got enough?” Over the years, I’m not sure if it’s more education and knowledge; or the fact that a woman is procuring it that intimidates people. Knowledge and its control and dispersal have long been factors that lead to power. What we know as a people, what is kept from us; it’s the information or lack of it that keeps people and systems in power and the subjects ignorant. Knowledge therefore is power. Power to be. Power to change. Power. We all need it. Perhaps, women need it more than men in most parts of the world. Women need power of knowledge. Knowing that they matter. Knowing that they have rights. Knowing that they can get the system to give them what they need and want. Knowledge of when it’s enough. Knowing what matters. Knowing she can get help. Knowing whom to get help from. Knowing she is entitled. Entitled to knowing. Entitled to equality, a voice and differences. Entitled to challenge. Use language to show emotions. To say, “NO!” or “YES!” as she pleases. Taking up a hobby, going away from it all for a while. Staying in. Not cleaning or cooking. Reading. Writing. Gazing at the stars. She should have the choices and knowledge that these choices exist.
So to the people who worry about how much more I need to study. I can just say, that it’s really not about another degree. It’s about the social narrative it lets me be attached to. The choices I have. I can receive from life. Give back to the world. Give away. Look at judgmental hypocrisy in the eye. It’s about the person I can be; being someone I deserve to be. My best version. So that I’m someone I love to be with. Because, when the world has been shut out, the voices in your head should bring you calm and solace. Not add to your misery.
“It is by choice and not by chances that we change our circumstances.”
? Nadia Sahari, Breakaway: How I Survived Abuse
Go and get what you want. That new hair cut. Another degree. Know that it’s meant for you. Go get it girl! Be who you want to be. Stay where you want. Move away from where you don’t. De-clutter. Reorganize everything in your life-people, things and places. Stop being a people pleaser. And if you want to please some people, then let at least one person be you.
Ask for what you want. Help with dinner. Time to think. To tidy up afterwards. Some time off. Long drive. Deep sleep. Ask and you might actually get it. Reach out. For what you want, for what you are meant to receive. To shield yourself, to protect your children. Your mind and emotions. Be incredibly free. Stay focused. Take the driving seat. Get enthusiastic about life. It’s yours. Yours by choice. Yours for keeps. Please live it up. Before it’s too late. Live before you die. Perish. Cease. Live. Enthuse. Soar. Today . Now. Till you are.
Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it's always your choice.
Wayne Dyer
Please continue to share your happiness mantra with us. Write to us on iamwoman@xtra.co.nz or join us on facebook at www.facebook.com/womanunlimited.